I think curly hair is most difficult for those of use who have anxiety toward feeling in control.
I’m not a go with the flow person. I’m a planner, I like to feel prepared. In fact, whenever I see a dating app profile where the person describes their ideal match as “chill, roll with the punches kind of girl” I’m like “Welp. I do not describe myself as chill.” ?
It’s no wonder that for many people with the same sort of anxiety that turning to straight hair is what feels like the safest, most comfortable option. Straight hair offers a consistent routine. It comes out the same almost every time. A portable flat iron can control for weather inconsistencies – you can always just run it over your hair to make it look nice again.
My anxiety has always centered itself around time, or rather, my lack of of it – I constantly feel like I am running out. (If y’all have seen Hamilton, Satisfied/Non-Stop SPOKE ? TO ? ME ?). This anxiety most often presents when I am getting ready for a social outing and feel as though I wont have enough time to be content with my appearance. At times, my hair can throw a wrench in my plans. If it doesn’t come out exactly the way I intended, I cant just run a hot tool over it to fix it up, and it takes too long to redo. Cue brain fog and an elevated heart rate.
What I have learned to remind myself is that I am not a Barbie doll. My hair is not made of plastic. It will look different based on the day – sometimes flat, or frizzy, or big, or defined. I have learned to relinquish some of the control I crave and recognize that it is okay if my curls don’t come out exactly the way I want.
I have learned that it’s okay to adjust my hair plans – if I need to put my hair up or throw on an accessory, that’s fine too (although I do often carry an “emergency” headband…just in case ?). Learning to accept my hair as it is has drastically helped my anxiety and has truly helped me feel more confident overall.
Curls are dynamic. YOU are dynamic. We are ever growing, changing, and learning. I like to think our relationship with our curls is the same.
(If anyone’s wondering I’m an enneagram 7/Aries – I get asked this fairly often ?)